Why are there people who always think that everything revolves around them?  This wouldn’t be such a problem if their self-absorption didn’t lead them to think negatively about what other people say.  And reacting to it when they don’t even know if its about them just makes them look guilty.

For example, when a friend cut me off on im and I decided to vent out on FaceBook because I knew she would read it there, another friend of mine decided it was about her (who I’ll refer to as Sharon).  Instead of inquiring as to what the posts were about and whether I was ok, she decided to reprimand me and indicated that I was always hotheaded lately.  She went on to say that I was being snobbish with her and that my stress was infectious.  This definitely isn’t what I expected of someone that knew me and knew my situation.  Its not like she hasn’t been pregnant and became one of the most difficult, demanding person there was.  Even when she wasn’t pregnant, she would admit, that she’s hard to get along with and she’s not as patient as I am with people. 

So, at this point in time, after having to go through a dry socket, finals, drama with my hubby’s job, lack of sleep, another friend’s self-imposed drama and pregnancy on top of it-all in one week-I probably was not in the best of moods.  And it was not like I called Sharon to vent out, we would im.  She’s hard to get a hold of anyway, she makes all the excuses not to answer her phone unless it is convenient for her, it has to be in her own timing and her own mood.  So its not like I can just vent whenever I want with her because its not an open door policy either.  I just wish I did the same thing with her now.  With our other friend signing off on me after she didn’t like my answer to her question, I realized that my friends in the local area have no problem calling me at anytime of the day to ask me about something.  They’ll call to vent, to complain, but its never usually just to ask how I was doing.  Its always followed by something else that has to concern them and they need some type of ego boosting.  Unlike my friends who don’t live in the same state I’m in.  I hear from them more than I do from Sharon or the other gal.

Even with how long I’ve known Sharon, I was always nagged by the feeling that our friendship was one of convenience for her since I was the only she was able to stand being around when she was pregnant.  And she was the one that always had a negative outlook in life about everything and everyone.  In a lot of ways, she rubbed off on me and I began to realize I hated thinking so negatively of everyone.  She always thought people had an ulterior motive in trying to be friends with her.  And this started making me doubt about our own friendship.  If I had to admit it, it was really one sided.  I have to say, there was things she would do for me once in a while.  But again, it always had to be something to make her feel good about herself.  And she made no discretion about the stuff she would do for me or for other people.  And it was ok that she was like that, except, then she had the nerve to list down all my faults in her comment.  I understand people have shortcomings, but as a friend, you would think she would tell me face to face or at least im me or call me to let me know instead of laying it out in public.  I know I told her before how irritating it was not being able to get a hold of her so I stopped calling her once.  And I guess it stuck with me that when I was in the hospital for days, I never once heard from her by text or by phone.  The next I heard from her, she was crying her eyes out because of their situation and then apologizing when she found out I was hospitalized.  And after that, I let it go, I never brought it up again.  I still tried to cheer her up and be there for her inspite of how she made me feel.  So I don’t understand, that in the situation that I’m in, how can someone get so narrow-minded and not think of anything else but themselves again.

Needless to say, I didn’t respond nicely on her comment.  After ignoring my im’s for days – even the one telling her that her own husband just called me to ask if I was on the phone with her – she had the nerve to make that comment about me.  I didn’t want to correct her anymore and tell her that it wasn’t her because her callous reaction proved that she was guilty.  Yes, I’ve seen her posts on FB when she was deliberately ignoring my ims.  She was posting about being tired of the problem and that she’s paid her dues, that she just listens to people talk coz she learns a lot about them.  (A quote from Rush Hour something)  And yet, I didn’t comment to these posts because I thought maybe our mutual friend pissed her off and just didn’t want to talk about it anymore so I didn’t bug her about that.  So I guess I can understand how she answered in a guilty manner to that comment.  But it certainly didn’t hold me back from telling how it was.  How she had the nerve to make me feel like I didn’t have the right to vent out on FB and yet she does.  In any case, like I answered, in kind, that I think she got it all backwards and in not so many words, if she didn’t like it, don’t read it.  I mean, she’s good at ignoring things anyway, why bother to read and comment on it if you don’t even know what it was about in the first place?  I guess some people just can’t stand not being the center of distraction.  It always has to be about them.

After so many times of trying to get my son to shower by himself, he’s finally done it. I can’t remember it being this hard or taking so long with my daughter.  My son had an accidental pool drowning around at the age of 3.  And for a while he hated getting his head wet.  He would start crying because I think it brought back the traumatic incident to his mine.  He was ok with baths but as soon as his head gets wet, that was it.

So he had to take baths the filipino way where we pour the water over his head momentarily.  After so many months, maybe years, we got him into the shower using only the small shower head on him.  He still didn’t like the shower with the water beating down on him.  But tonight was the first time he was able to do it without mommy telling him what to do at the door of the shower.  I was proud.  And he went in without complaints or whining.  Soon, he’ll be able to transfer to their own tub in their bathroom

This school my daughter has web design for her computer class.  About after the second week she was already thinking of quitting because something wasn’t coming out right.   I told her she’s not allowed to quit this class coz its already been payed for and I know she’s going to like it.  I just didn’t want her to end up doing what I usually would and then go nowhere.  She stayed with it and in the next few days she couldn’t stop thinking about how fun it was.  She had so much fun that she was able to create it from home by memory.  She knows I took it before but I don’t remember what I did.  So she likes to rub it in.  I’m actually proud and excited for her because she’s enjoying so much.  I want her to be able to have that creative outlet that gives her joy from doing.  One that I didn’t have. 

My daughter dressed up as a conga girl for the Halloween party at school today.  It was the first time she was going to wear makeup.  I still see her as a little girl, but when she had the mascara on, it transformed to a young lady.  I never thought when this day would come that it would be such a big deal.  But she’s been reaching my height now and she is developing an interest for makeup.  Starting to grow up.  But she’s growing up beautifully. 

While my husband tried to help me get this page going, I had to admit to him that I really wasn’t planning to let him or anyone else know about the site.  He inquired as to why and I explained that I just wanted a place where I can let my thoughts, ideas, etc, flow whenever I want, however I want.  He said that no matter what I wrote wouldn’t make him view me differently.  He has been encouraging me to blog for quite some time now.

Although it was a thoughtful thing for him to try to reassure me, it didn’t dampen my self-doubts.  I realized my hesitance wasn’t so much about how I would be viewed by anyone.  I believe that people are entitled to their own opinions.  I know, because I can be very opinionated and when asked, I don’t hold back.  But the reluctance is more on the fact that I hate it when people get judgmental.  And when I get questioned as to why I feel or think a certain way, I do get on the defensive side.  Because it makes me feel that I am not allowed to think the way I want to think and to feel the way I want to feel.  

Being raised where I wasn’t allowed to express my feelings and my thoughts didn’t help either.  Basically, the saying of, "Children should be seen and not heard," was the motto.  This probably helped me become more opinionated than anything.  But of course, I only became comfortable being myself was with my friends.  Its easy to be open with them because I knew they would accept me no matter what since they didn’t have to be so involved with me like family members.  I was always viewed as one of the black sheep in the whole relative tribe.  I probably acted out more I felt it didn’t matter what I said anyway.  Thinking about it now, I am finding that its still the same way with certain people that aren’t family members.  So for the sake of not having to go through explanations with people close to me, I have to keep it on the down low.  In a way, it sucks, but its better that way.

After days of trying to get this site in the right place, I finally got it set up correctly.  Thank goodness for the endless technical support. Now I can go back to my bad habit of going through templates and changing them out each day like changing clothes.  Yay!  Not sure if I’m going to transfer my old blogs to this yet.  hmmm…

I should put something on this site saying, “This is a test…?”

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!

Its funny how one day you’re thinking about the future and trying to envision where you’d want to be years from where you are.  You think about being married and having a family with a successful career.  In the back of you mind, its a long time getting there.  For me, I never really thought about the future.  I could never really see it or even try to imagine how I would want to be and what I would like to be doing.  I guess I never really thought about it because I couldn’t see beyond the gloom that was already happening in the world.  Looking back, my attitude on life was, the sooner I get out of here, the better.  I didn’t see the whole point in sticking around too long.

I still don’t know if that view has changed at all.  There are times that I think that its been worth the journey because of all the people that has brought color to my life.  But then there are still times that I can’t wait for it to just be over.  The good times never last as long as you want them and they’re sometimes too short to realize at the time that its actually good.  So I’ve thought about trying to write them down as I remember or experience them.